Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
