i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
