You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
