I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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