Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
