It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
