: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
