The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
