Christians are straight up FREAKS
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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