you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
