The best revenge is premature balding
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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