I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Randomize
