a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
