I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
