isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
