The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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