evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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