I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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