It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this just has baby written all over it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
