Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
