Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
