i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they're like a gay fantastic four
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
