Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
