My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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