In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
