I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
