Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Randomize
