you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
