I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
