So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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