I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
