last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
