He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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