So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I looked at my own cervix.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
