it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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