so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
