Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
