Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
