just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
