Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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