Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
