The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
