you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drake has all the answers
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
