haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
