She's JV to your varsity
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
