Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck appropriateness.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
