Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
