So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
