and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
