Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize