I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
