So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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