You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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