New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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