"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
