I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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