You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
