dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
