i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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