idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
