Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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