Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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