at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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