I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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