Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
