Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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