oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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