I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
